“Love is just a word until someone arrives to give it meaning.”

–Paulo Coelho

 I believe in love.  Love that is true and genuine —

Mad love.  

I believe it exists because I’ve witnessed it, I’ve felt it, and I’ve lived it. Love is something we dream of, wish or long for, and sadly sometimes even settle for.

It’s a feeling that has the ability to move mountains and dethrone kings.

Let’s just say it’s powerful.

And as many already know, love also has the ability to torture. While I believe completely in love, what I do not believe in is a guaranteed ‘happy’ ending —

We can save that ‘fait accompli’ for the massage parlors. (wink)

You know, like Cinderella and Prince Charming riding their carriage into the sunset, that automatic “We fell in love and now will live happily ever after” happy ending.

Spoiler Alert…

Not every prince is Charming, and not every ending is happy.

In fact, statistics show that around 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. So when you fall in love, you really need to know the person you’re falling in love with.  And I don’t just mean the knowledge of their favorite foods, TV shows, or how they behave when they get sick. Of course, details like those are important, but I mean knowing who they are inside and out. Loving them enough to search for the truths and finding out how they feel about commitment, raising kids, sickness, core values —

Going deep.

Exploring if they are someone who accepts love, wants to love and even knows how to reciprocate love.

In my life, I have had my fair share of dating and relationships. But when I reflect on my life and the men I have loved, I feel blessed to have found true love more than once.

When it’s real love, for me, I become…

SELFLESS.

I began asking around, “What does real love mean to you?” The more people I asked, the more I kept hearing the word “selfless” — so much so that I’ve come to realize that while romantic love is conditional, putting someone else’s needs before your own is a major trait in identifying true love.

I’ve come to understand, as well, that there are three different kinds of mates: soul mates, life mates, and transition mates.

Soul Mate: 

Someone we feel fused with. These special someones seem to continually challenge us. Soul mates can also be friends and relatives; they don’t always have to be romantic partners. Regardless, a strong, energetic connection or a past life history together seems to be a common feeling.

Think complex.

Life Mate/Partner: 

A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual we can lean on, trust and depend on to help us through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect where both are in sync with each other’s needs and wants.  This is someone who is dependable and considerate of our needs and wants. Of course, a life partner is also someone that you are attracted to and that you love and care for.

Think stability.

 Transition Mates:  

These relationships/friendships act as bridges to get us from one place to another in our lives. These relationships are not lasting. They never fully grow into anything other than ‘a moment in time’ and hopefully a fond memory. Most of the time they feel as though they just “don’t fit” no matter what we try to do. It’s like fitting a square peg into a round hole.

Think layover instead of a destination.

At different times in our lives, we will need and/or want different types of relationships. Neither is better nor worse; it just depends on where we are in our lives. An amazing relationship comes about when we own, love, and appreciate who we are and are open to allowing someone in.

Remember, we don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

Let’s hope it’s not just to be run over and left for road kill…

Love,

Karin

Originally posted on www.therelationshiprealist.com

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